Ten bloody O' bloody clock

The synthesized strains of Fur Elise herald the start of the first fifteen minute break of the day, sending workers scurrying to the pantry for some coffee and other life-sustaining nourishment. The first half of the morning felt extremely productive because I'm finally coming to grips with the whole long-winded procedure for processing RTAs (Requests for Technical Assistance).

There are too many numbers - for each individual component: one number for drawing, one number for part, one old number for part, one part reference number, one drawing revision number, one material number, one weight number, one outside-diameter number, one inside-diameter number, one length number, one part description, system code numbers, user name numbers, password numbers...

EeeeEEEeeEEaarrgggh!

And as Fur Elise brings the break and this post to a tortured close, everyone files slowly back to their desks.

How to write an epic fantasy

1. Take one hero. Give him/her a few character flaws that they'll overcome by sheer strength of will. He has to be goofy but goodlooking with many hidden talents. She has to be hot and vulnerable (cliches sell).
2. Enter one sidekick - loyal, valiant, resourceful, and always saving the hero's ass.
3. Put both characters (merry band of comrades optional) on a long, arduous trek across burning deserts, icy mountains, dense forests, etc. Mention of deep and forbidding tunnels, abandoned castles, and lurking creatures are advisable.
4. Place one object in hero's care - ring, seed of life, the toilet mat, with the instruction to take it to [insert destination of your choice]. No real imagination is required here because if the words 'sacred', 'precious', or 'crucial to the existence of good' feature in relation to said object, it will command complete respect, and no questions will be asked of indicated destination.
5. While hero and friend(s) are on a perilous journey at great risk of life and limb, throw in a dark lord and his minions to harass the travelers and attack the world in general.
6. Two or three neutral characters driven by their own selfish motives will also add variety when hero and his comrades have been travelling for many months and are all getting damn sick of each other.
7. Add a noble king and devoted entourage. Slide in one or two spies to mix it up a bit. King's entourage should contain one stubborn headed fool who sees the error of his ways just before he dies (drama-drama a bit hor?).
8. Make the dark lord and king do battle when they'd much rather be swapping fishing stories. Throw in lots of hope, cunning, and betrayal.
9. Write in a wizard who could save the whole damn world on a lunch break, but sees this exercise as character building, and 'necessary for the good of mankind'. Have him die and resurrect for added spice.
10. Finally set the whole story in a land that is a geographical impossibility, then wrap it up with a 'happily ever after for now'. You want to keep the door open for sequels.

Of fish and other random things

I've gotten really good at Alt+Tab lately - fast reflexes and even faster fingers. I spent my lunchtime today reading about flatulent fish. Apparently herrings fart as a form of communication, and thus the gap between animal and human is narrowed further.

I was also thinking about digital cameras. I've decided that they're such hot sellers because they encompass two of the most popular pastimes of human beings the world over: 1) taking photos of themselves, and then 2) looking at themselves. We are truly so vain.

Anyhow, I spent most of the day struggling with instructions on the extremely user-unfriendly SAP (slow and painful) system. Apparently it's one of the most powerful tools in running a business, but it is unforgiving. With the fact that it involves so many number codes and references, my dyslexia took a pounding, and made me realise that all my intellectual synapses must've shut down over summer.

In true software fashion, it was system down after lunch. At first I was ecstatic at the implications of a work-free afternoon, but the joy was short lived - the internet had gone too, leaving me with two hours to recycle air before it came back online again.

I finished Elfstones of Shannara earlier this morning, it was entertaining, but reeked of Tolkien and the characters weren't as impressive. I guess there are only so many variations on the topic of quests and its related activities. I'm sad it ended though, I've got nothing else to read now.