What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Once upon a time, there existed a type of person: the uber-Googler. The experts in manipulating booleans and synonymical tenses to extract the most obscure pieces of information from the internet. As the art form grew so did the realisation that logic operators were much too complex for the other 98.3% of the internet-browsing population and the average vocabulary size is only about 6,000 words (and declining), so the smart search engines reacted accordingly and got dumber.

Now the average Joe merely has to find a Google box and enter their question exactly: how to tape an ankle, how to grow weed, how to build a nuclear reactor. And in the event you struggle to frame your query, the field will come up with suggestions for you:

Procrastination nation

Being unemployed has it's perks. I'm completely up to speed to almost all of the relevant TV Hollywood has to offer and I've even started on the backlog of Kim Possible episodes from 5 years ago - they're on Season 4! What super-hero cartoon has a season 4! How many times can she kick Draken's ass?!
Answer: 68 times. so far.

Then there's the threat of getting lost in the couch for the rest of the day, especially with the cold snowy front threatening to descend any moment now. The disincentives are piling up quickly. I'm so unmotivated about job hunting that I'd rather flat hunt and I'm not due to move until JULY. People should make their list of inverted priorities and run your life backwards based on tasks you'd rather not do - you'd get a lot of those relatively less nasty things done. So far mine goes:

4. Flat hunting
3. Financial budgeting
2. House cleaning
1. Job hunting

Too bad I've finally met my career coach. Pfft to the motivated version of me that booked this meeting last week. She lectured me on having too many disparate ideas on what I want to do next, forced me to focus, let me talk myself into downplaying the copywriting dream, and told me to go through these self assessment tests, apply to these companies, and report back to her within a week. So after running the above exercise and ranking everything in order of least hated task, I went with the self assessment exercise. I tried the one which matches you to a career based on your likes and dislikes:

1. Do you like working with children? NO
2. Do you like working with older people? NO
3. Would you like being in a career that involves providing support and counselling to others? NO
4. Do you like working with numbers? Indifferent.

Fairly straight forward, and because I didn't want more trouble from my coach on what I should be doing next, I tried to massage the results - give consistent qualities that would make me perfectly suited to management consultancy i.e. yes to problem solving, written communication, and travel. Because as a real life job, management consultancy is about as close as I'll get. 70 questions later and a quarter-way warning telling me I was being too positive about everything, I got my result:

1. Advertising copywriter
2. Pet behaviour counsellor

Ta-daa.

Don't test my patience