Birthdays are a lesson in opportunity cost

So it was my birthday recently. My wish list is so long I'd be too embarrassed to use the wish list gadget and put it in the margin. That and the fact that there wouldn't be enough margin for the whole thing. So when it comes around to that once a year event when your friends are obligated to chip in for a present, there comes the inevitable question, "Sowhaddyawant for your birthday?"

At which point I have to thumb through the index of all the things I want, ordered by period-in-my-life (Barbie dolls through to puppies), sometimes simply just by period (chocolate, and a large box of tissues through to padded cell and straight jacket), and then cross-referenced by degrees of practicality through to straight out space-tourist-scale extravagance, and then reign it all back in with a huge piece of Asian upbringing and mumble, "Er, I don't know...Seriously, I really have no idea. It's not a big deal anyway."

So after a massive meal of (more) barbecue last weekend, I was kindly given the Complete Collection of Calvin and Hobbes to truck home. Weng sacrificed his gift idea to our friends (because I'd already twisted his arm into buying me a very specific bracelet) so Tish could wield his Amazon Prime wand and get the 30 tonne literary marvel delivered to his suburbian mansion.

It is terrific! I don't use that word often, but it seems fitting somehow, given the gravitas of everything Calvin and Hobbes represents to the world of comic writing. It also has family heirloom written all over it - one for each of you, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Jo. (My dogs, not my kids.)

Singapore Day 2009, Hamptons Court, London

You are all cordially invited to Singapore Day 2009 at Hamptons Court on April 25, 2009!

It'll be awesome (because my government says so). Where else would you like to spend your Saturday than completely immersed in brilliant Singaporean culture: food and excessive use of Singlish. And Hamptons Courts in springtime is already a good excuse to rock up.

Give us a chance to brainwash you! Just register at the link below and after entering an inordinate number of personal details (because we're like that), you'll get your e-ticket (because we're super advanced that way) to print and bring on the day!

Cooking utensils: weapons of mass confusion

We have recently convinced ourselves that we were in sore need of these:
And since it was 3 for 2 at M&S, we also got this:
because we didn't need a lemon zester, pizza wheel cutter, a single egg poacher, or a honey twirler, and couldn't just leave the free thing be.

Product description reads "Soft grip skimmer, an essential for every kitchen". What does it really do? If it's so essential, why didn't I look at it and go "Ah! My life is now complete."

Damn, I just saw a stainless steel garlic slicer on M&S online, now that's something I really need. Knives are so last year.

Because we don't get to do this all that often

From the moleskine: the first week of spring

The title is misleading, it's not really about the first week of spring, but I didn't want it to say 'week commencing 14 March 2009' which would've been more accurate but less poetic. It's been pretty hugs and kisses this week, so it'll stay in the underlying theme of spring and all of its hopefulness.

Here's how it went down.

Visa application: posted!
Major panic attack when the postman took it, and I was hanging onto it tight enough to leave embarrassing damp finger prints on the edges, but so glad it's off my list.

Netball Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday: Almost-win, win, win, win, and win!
I was beginning to wonder what that felt like. In the words of my teammate, it wasn't nice being spanked every week.

Champions League: Liverpool many (i.e. 5), Madrid nil
Pacey, up-tempo, stylish game, or so the commentator said. A little hard to discern the quick passing when we had to watch a series of stills every single time the ball got near any goal. Why does the internet always do that?!

Champions League: Arsenal win on penalties
I got home in time for the shoot out and didn't miss a second. I was really rooting for the youngsters. (Arsenal are still relatively young, aren't they? I've been so out of the loop)

Serious CFA studying Thursday and Friday
Pensions accounting is not hot stuff, but at least you can sit around in your pj's in hopping distance of your duvet all day.

Raving Rabbids rawks
I turned down poker on the basis that it would keep me at the Wharf far too late and then discovered the wonderful bunny-bowling, cow hurling, warthog racing world of the Rabbids!

Man Utd vs Liverpool tomorrow lunchtime
Bring it.

Fwd: Ground control to pilot

Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!'
Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'


Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'
TWA 2341: 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?'
Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?'


From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm f...ing bored!'
Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!'
Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'


O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound.'
United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the little Fokker in sight.'


A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'


A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'
Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'
Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?'
Unknown voice from another plane: 'Because you lost the bloody war!'


Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7'
Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.'
Tower: ' Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'
BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers.'


One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 'What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one.'


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange betweenFrankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: ' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.'
Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'
Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'
Ground: 'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?!'
Speedbird 206: 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land.'

Old in so many way

With time to finally catch up on relevant culture, I find out how far behind the 'now' curve I really am. Previous indicators, such as "How do you not know what song this is?!", not knowing how to download using torrents, and getting excited about the iPhone in the last couple of weeks should have given it away.

Working for the last 18 months has left me in the metaphorical dust physically, emotionally, and technologically. So these are the things I've done over the last week:

1. Learnt about the new Blogger dashboard and gadgets. Admittedly I had to first blow the dust off this site, but I then sat through a Youtube video introducing me to the wonderful world of blog technology, and then wrote that whole post marvelling at all the new things I've added.

2. Discovered Twitter. I don't really see the point in this given that I'm too cheap to pay for internet on my mobile, I'm largely homebound anyway, and I'm soon going to be deprived of the social interaction and a job to make snarky, real-time gibes about. And then there are the other mediums from a bygone age: the Facebook status, email, and SMS. I'm now stuck with the conundrum of how to coordinate coverage.

3. Learnt about RSS feeds so I could combine items 1. and 2. and be like Rudy and put my Twittering on my blog so that my ego is now complete. And because what Rudy has, Ash also wants for most part (money, yes, a cool job he loves, yes, that way with words, yes, the wit, yes, the girls, less so).

4. Got on Google calendar, only to be reminded of the lack of social life by the acres of blank white space.

I feel the pressure of keeping up, reading all those FB notifications about 13-year-olds adding the application to their iPhone/Blackberry. I look at magazines telling me the 80's are back for spring and I'm thinking, Damn, of the few things I can recall nowadays, I actually remember that decade the first time it came around.

I feel embarrassed when I take out my notebook and pen (yes, they still exist) and try to sort out of my life. Teenagers scare me - I try not to make eye contact when I pass them in the street, and I use cuss words like 'poop' and 'oh my goodness'. I swear I say 'dude' just to feel a little bit cool, and get the urge to start speaking the speak, only to find out that they don't use those words anymore.

Gosh, I am old.

The week looks like netball

In its various guises:

Mixed versatility tonight
Ladies versatility tomorrow night
Mixed netball the night after.

Now I hope the ankle holds up.

Under current job market conditions

Getting tech, booyah!

Because our attention spans are no longer capable of outlasting a 8-line block of text otherwise known as a paragraph, I feel the need to write either in lots of pictures or in numbered lists. Rudy was quick off the block on this one - his last 5 posts have involved lists, then again he's probably just catering to his target demographic. Since the first requires far more effort than I have on a Sunday afternoon, let me use the second medium to introduce you to the changes that have happened down my right margin.

1. Visual of the day
I like photos. I particularly like photos without people mugging for the camera. I know that reads antisocial freak, and while I do have lots of pictures of friends, let's try take the 'stretch opportunity' and be slightly artistic here. Also, Mum feels pity for Weng when we go on a family holiday and then I get back and make him sit through a 'What I did on my holiday' slideshow that goes big building, same big building from a different angle, same building from another building, same building from the inside, or mountain, mountain, mountain, lake, lake, lake, and sheep, so I'm subjecting all of you to that very slow death. It also provides a distraction for those who would rather not die an even slower death reading my latest rant.

2. Autostalking
I didn't actually know what this did until I put it up. I thought it was another version of a list of links, but I realise it's even cleverer because only those who update regularly stay on this list.

3. The Annals of Ash
Slightly narcissistic, I appreciate that, but that's essentially what a blog is. Anyway, I actually used to be a better writer before financial modelling sucked the joy out of my life. It's hard to be creative when your space is restricted to the light grey confines of a cell. Ha! Pun! (If you hadn't already noticed, I'm also more easily amused, so expect that there will be much less censorship on this. I will find cheese blog-worthy soon enough.)

4. Followers
A portal for you to show public support (and updates will appear on your blogger homepage, I've also noticed. If you get the sneaking suspicion that I don't really know what the gadgets I've added actually do, you're not far off.) I only have two followers at the moment and I had to do some arm-twisting to get them to sign on. One can hope though...

5. Count
More people visit, I write more/better. Even more people visit, I write even more and even better! It's a vicious circle.

Running out of crap(per) things to do

4. 6. Flat hunting
As we established last time - still too early for that, but Canary Wharf Central is looking highly likely. Pseudo-suburbia, here we come!

3. 5. Financial budgeting
I have an accounting system in Excel that guilts me for making every single purchase, even the necessary ones. Did you really need that slice of blackberry and apple crumble?

2. 4. House cleaning
It was hairnets and clingwrap booties in this house until later that night, when Weng boiled some barley that bubbled over and glued the pot to the stove. I'm largely unamused about that particular transgression because 24 hours later, it is STILL glued to the stove.

3. Study for CFA II NEW ENTRY
International Parity Relations (LOS 19f. for those who care, you know who you are) with a side of American Idol. "You can see that these relationships are concerned with the differences between spot FX rates, expected future spot FX rates, Ryan Seacrest, forward FX rates, interest rates, and the 13th Top 12 finalist...huh? what?! aaaaaiieeee!11!!"

2. Tier 1 visa application NEW ENTRY
My bank statements have finally arrived, I can waste one more day, checking, photocopying, panicking, and running errands.

1. Job hunting

From the moleskine: Tube musings and a bum ankle

Ok, so maybe you can't learn everything from Google. My taped ankle is working to the extent that it's letting me hobble up and down my street as fast as I can limp. I married the techniques of two expert opinions and then ran out of tape. However, I am a little nervous about the fact that there's a growing coldness in my foot that could be attributed to the following things:
a) The 8 degree weather
b) The fact that I'm favouring one ankle thereby keeping it quite still
c) The tape's done up too tight because you can't really discern degrees of pressure from a youtube video

Maybe that's why I think the tape's working - I can't actually feel the sprained ankle. Might have to go home and Google this one also.

I also dropped my pen on the tube. A lame ankle doesn't quite generate a rush of guilty looking people standing up to give you a seat, so I'm perched on one of those strange blue rests at the end of the carriage that are fixed a strangely dispropotionate height - if you're tall enough to comfortably place your posterior on the cushion, you could also brace the back of your skull on the roof. Tim Burton must've drawn up the ergonomic tables for these trains.

Anyway, dropping your pen on the tube usually illicits two responses. The germophobe in me took the first and was ready to write off that now unusable and highly contaminated instrument (it was free anyway, I stole it from my career centre). The second was the very nice man standing next to me who IMMEDIATELY swooped down to pick it up and return it with a smile. The action shocked me to my core so I threw my best fox-in-headlights impression back at him before remembering to grab at the shreds of my manners, accept the proffered pen, and mumble a thank you, all the while fighting the germophobic cringe. Take two lessons from this: London is actually not a cold place and gallantry is not dead.

What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Once upon a time, there existed a type of person: the uber-Googler. The experts in manipulating booleans and synonymical tenses to extract the most obscure pieces of information from the internet. As the art form grew so did the realisation that logic operators were much too complex for the other 98.3% of the internet-browsing population and the average vocabulary size is only about 6,000 words (and declining), so the smart search engines reacted accordingly and got dumber.

Now the average Joe merely has to find a Google box and enter their question exactly: how to tape an ankle, how to grow weed, how to build a nuclear reactor. And in the event you struggle to frame your query, the field will come up with suggestions for you:

Procrastination nation

Being unemployed has it's perks. I'm completely up to speed to almost all of the relevant TV Hollywood has to offer and I've even started on the backlog of Kim Possible episodes from 5 years ago - they're on Season 4! What super-hero cartoon has a season 4! How many times can she kick Draken's ass?!
Answer: 68 times. so far.

Then there's the threat of getting lost in the couch for the rest of the day, especially with the cold snowy front threatening to descend any moment now. The disincentives are piling up quickly. I'm so unmotivated about job hunting that I'd rather flat hunt and I'm not due to move until JULY. People should make their list of inverted priorities and run your life backwards based on tasks you'd rather not do - you'd get a lot of those relatively less nasty things done. So far mine goes:

4. Flat hunting
3. Financial budgeting
2. House cleaning
1. Job hunting

Too bad I've finally met my career coach. Pfft to the motivated version of me that booked this meeting last week. She lectured me on having too many disparate ideas on what I want to do next, forced me to focus, let me talk myself into downplaying the copywriting dream, and told me to go through these self assessment tests, apply to these companies, and report back to her within a week. So after running the above exercise and ranking everything in order of least hated task, I went with the self assessment exercise. I tried the one which matches you to a career based on your likes and dislikes:

1. Do you like working with children? NO
2. Do you like working with older people? NO
3. Would you like being in a career that involves providing support and counselling to others? NO
4. Do you like working with numbers? Indifferent.

Fairly straight forward, and because I didn't want more trouble from my coach on what I should be doing next, I tried to massage the results - give consistent qualities that would make me perfectly suited to management consultancy i.e. yes to problem solving, written communication, and travel. Because as a real life job, management consultancy is about as close as I'll get. 70 questions later and a quarter-way warning telling me I was being too positive about everything, I got my result:

1. Advertising copywriter
2. Pet behaviour counsellor

Ta-daa.