The first step

The older you get the harder it seems to be able to form deep lasting relationships. It's like you need the naivity of a playground setting and everything from 'I friend you' to 'I don't friend you later this afternoon' to weed out potential close friends from the social climbers.

Maybe it's more difficult now because we don't want to come across as desperate or dweebish, have to always maintain that ultra-cool 'whatever' exterior, and should never say things like 'I like you, I can't wait to get to know you better and make you one of my best friends'. That's just lame.

But how else do you let them know without sounding gay? Or perhaps I'm too impatient, or maybe I'm not so sure where the social boundaries lie anymore.

It used to be okay to go to whoever and just talk about every little thing that's bugging you. Adolescent friendships demand that kind of patience from the listening party, and an almost immediate closeness afterwards because you know so much and you've been sworn to secrecy, to bear a burden that was imparted to you in a flood of hormones.

Now that we're growing up a bit, it's less appropriate to go around making big news of all your problems. In some cultural groups, problems aren't conversation topics anymore but things you should hide and never expose to the rest of the world because they're embarrassing. Talk about them too much and you're inviting more problems onto yourself and whoever's listening. In worse cases, they might be used to exploit your vulnerability.

Which is ironic, seeing as this is probably the time you need your friends most, when you're making that transition from dependent child to responsible adult, looking after yourself and coming to terms with a highly disillusioned world.

So maybe we should bring some of the playground back into our lives, a bit of that childish joy like finding someone else with a wobbly tooth, and let me say, 'I'll friend you now, with a possibility of forever'.

Diversions

Trapping my thoughts in the words on the screen you see before you is like that Quidditch scene from one of the Harry Potter movies where he's after the Golden Snitch and everyone's out to get him, including the balls (I can't wait for the new movie), only I've got no head for heights, no magic, and definitely no broomstick.

You know, I try.

Today's topic of conversation is dolls. I'm quite like one of those dolls that have those weighted eyelids and when you tilt them past a certain degree, their eyes shut. Only mine are installed the other way around and when I lie down I'm fully awake.

What else. Oh right, I hate dolls. They give me the heebeejeebees. There was this cross stitch of a little girl sitting amongst her tiny dolls playing 'tea party'. My mother thought it was beautiful and hung it above my bed, and for five years I had nightmares of this fatass slave driver making her distressed Lilliputians eat forever and ever. Or something along those lines.

I'm currently seeking comfort in the arms of Football Manager and have just finished my first season. A late charge saw me snatch victory from the other big three but I've only got a 4.9mill transfer budget. Who do they think I'm going to buy with that? Maybe a pet canary to take on Arsenal. Yea, that'll work.

I think I'm starved for entertainment, but I'm happy.

Day 2: Southampton

I've been having the worst dreams lately, really violent ones about zombie people and lots of blood, or screaming at someone telling them exactly what I think of them. I can understand the latter - I deal poorly with suppression, but I don't quite get where the bloody zombies are coming from.

There are still a hundred and one things to do. Tying up so many loose ends before I head home to K.L.. I can't wait, the year's felt too long and far too draining.

Psyched that Evan's got his passport back and that he'll be making it home this summer. More fun! My parents want to take us to Melbourne for a little skiing or to Shanghai to shop. I get the idea that I'm probably um, not so welcome in Melbourne at the moment and I hear Shangai's bloody hot. So I dunno, I just want to get home first.

We get to go to the supermarket today. Yay! I <3 Southampton, it makes London look like its standing still.