The first step

The older you get the harder it seems to be able to form deep lasting relationships. It's like you need the naivity of a playground setting and everything from 'I friend you' to 'I don't friend you later this afternoon' to weed out potential close friends from the social climbers.

Maybe it's more difficult now because we don't want to come across as desperate or dweebish, have to always maintain that ultra-cool 'whatever' exterior, and should never say things like 'I like you, I can't wait to get to know you better and make you one of my best friends'. That's just lame.

But how else do you let them know without sounding gay? Or perhaps I'm too impatient, or maybe I'm not so sure where the social boundaries lie anymore.

It used to be okay to go to whoever and just talk about every little thing that's bugging you. Adolescent friendships demand that kind of patience from the listening party, and an almost immediate closeness afterwards because you know so much and you've been sworn to secrecy, to bear a burden that was imparted to you in a flood of hormones.

Now that we're growing up a bit, it's less appropriate to go around making big news of all your problems. In some cultural groups, problems aren't conversation topics anymore but things you should hide and never expose to the rest of the world because they're embarrassing. Talk about them too much and you're inviting more problems onto yourself and whoever's listening. In worse cases, they might be used to exploit your vulnerability.

Which is ironic, seeing as this is probably the time you need your friends most, when you're making that transition from dependent child to responsible adult, looking after yourself and coming to terms with a highly disillusioned world.

So maybe we should bring some of the playground back into our lives, a bit of that childish joy like finding someone else with a wobbly tooth, and let me say, 'I'll friend you now, with a possibility of forever'.