Out of this world

I quite literally sang my guts out in rehearsal today and my voice started to give out towards the end of the two hours. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but singing with a blocked nose makes your diaphragm really work to hit the higher notes - I couldn't fake it lazy style.

Anyhow, it sounds absolutely brilliant! The team that flew in - some band members, some soloists - are really all that and so much more! You must come!

Sunday 31st July, 8.00pm @ FBC
Free admission
I promise an awesome night of music and drama!!
I haven't been this excited since I got to play one of the three kings in my primary school nativity!!

Half spun

Pills reflect much of the world today. We want it bigger, better, faster. We need pills that'll have us back on our feet in no time at all so we can cope with the demands of our day to day lives. And they work.

They provide an artificial sense of wellbeing for that 4-6 hours as printed on the side of the bottle, but like all things artificial, the feeling of being better is about 5mm deep. Good enough to fool everyone standing outside your personal space, but inside you're moping in bed with that general manky aura that comes with feeling ill.

Take me for instance. One effervescent vitamin C tablet, one green echinacea pill, two strepsils, two panadols, and a cold pill, and I can stand in the mirror and look normal, completely unlike the snivelling troll thirty minutes ago. But I can totally feel that snivelling troll lurking beneath the surface, threatening to break through at the slightest crack in my barricade of supplements.

...

Okay, that issue was really going somewhere. It was going to be a inspired article about how the medicine today reflects our society in its demands and temporary fixes, but I seem to have lost it.

I want to get better faster!

I suffer still

I'm still trying to fight off this cold in time for the weekend. It's better today, but it would probably be more economical on the tissue front to insert a tube into my nasal cavaties and just syphon off the snot as it's produced. I'm also breaking out like I'm 15 again. Where is my immune system?!

An instant cold cure would make millions, until then I'll just sit here next to my overflowing bin and continue to moan. When I'm ill and feeling sorry for myself, the world needs to know.

Highly contagious

I have too many muscles. I know because every single one aches. I'm slowly drowning because any water I drink is immediately converted into mucus, and I'm singlehandedly decimating the rainforest through a box of Premier tissue paper.

I've popped a impressive number of pills from my mother's even more impressive collection of drugs - after three kids, she is a pharmacist. One of the packets read "Avoid operating heavy machinery - may cause drowsiness". Yes, when I'm feeling this ill the first thing I'd do is go out and drive a tractor.

I hate falling sick during the holidays. All year, not a thing. I had to resort to dramatizing the smallest ache to justify skipping class, and now that it's absolutely of the utmost importance that I stay well and safe, 'm liddis.

Acceptance speech

I'd like to thank Rudy for

1) Coming up with the award, although I don't know whether I should be flattered - the second part of the title sounds a little tacked on

2) Being more bored than me although he's supposed to be working, thus letting me know I'm not the saddest case around

3) For generally being supportive of this site which he should be since it seems I write for his sole enjoyment anyway.

I shall be henceforth known as the person you love to hate but love anyway. The tacked on bit is very important - I have a fragile psyche due to the extreme amount of tagboard bashing, but writing sharp retorts is a valuable skill and it keeps my ego under control.

So yes, I think Rudy is the only one I'd like to thank seeing as it's his award (it could've been far worse) and he's the only other person free enough to post regularly, i.e. four times a day. Thank you! Thank you! +swoon+

P.S. I want world peace.

It's been one of those

My life over the past couple of days has been completely uninspired. In fact you could say that this post has been inspired by the sheer lack of inspiration. Ha.

Today is just one big fat brrsntnnfftlgrkst, fully deserving of every single consonant. I was going to go to Rumah Hope but that entirely useful, giving, and largely unselfish plan was laid low by a sleepless night and a sinus attack. I'm afraid that if I go, I won't be invited back the following week. (I feel that arguing with small children will serve me well in my professional career, especially in the fields of coercion and persuasion i.e. it's character building.)

And I couldn't get tickets to The Island for the one night out a week that Weng and I have. Our extremely precious time will now be interrupted somewhat severely by the intense feeling of crankiness that's followed the sneezing.

My once-a-month social gathering is also on track upon receiving an invitation this morning, even if it was, I suspect, a rather generic one.

I just overcooked my cup noodles. That's incredible, I didn't think you could actually do that.

So matching

Price of an orange lycra-blend Nike top: RM179*
Price of a pair of black Nike yoga pants with orange trim: RM289
Price of silver and orange shox: RM495
Price of a Nike headband in orange: RM45
Price of a Nike wristband in orange: RM 15
Orange Nike watch: RM 206

Watching an enthusiastic, bright orange pumpkin bounce around for an hour: Priceless

*Prices are approximate at time of publication

It makes me wonder if she has two outfits that are exactly the same or maybe orange is a Monday colour, but that's twice now. It's highly distracting.

Lots of promise and fireflies

This week's gearing up to be one of my more happening ones as my social diary quickly fills up with more exercise classes and choir practice. I'm really enjoying this summer. Too bad my french lessons are going to be put on hold for a couple of weeks - I was just starting to really get into the swing of the language.

Weng's been hauled out to Kuala Selangor in search of good seafood and fireflies. I thought that the latter had died out years ago, but apparently they're merely dwindling. I've never seen fireflies before. It's a pity that I and generations after me might never get to see these famous fireflies. Mangrove forests are fascinating.

8.00pm July 31st FBC. Please come!

I <3 Dad

Nothing says 'I love you' like a tube of Lancome sunscreen, a bottle of Miracle perfume, and a bunch of pilfered hotel toiletries. I guess it's reassuring that after 22 years of marriage Dad knows exactly how to make my mother happy.

It's also funny how after 20 years of welcoming my much-travelled father home, I still feel a twinge of excitement when he unpacks his suitcase right in the middle of the hall and we get to see what presents he's brought back. It's not like we're swamped with gifts and completely besides the point that he feels the need to unpack in the middle of the living room, but it always always brings me back to when I was about six.

Cheryl's leaving for Hawaii soon. I don't know how the house is going to hold together without Cinderella. None of the dishes will get washed properly, the laundry pile will most definitely become a biological hazard, and we'll all be doomed.

I'm going to go back to telling Dad all the things that have happened while he's been galavanting all over Asia and tell Mum that although it's hilarious (and probably even more so at 7am), the Chihuahua guy impersonation is quite mean. He can't help it that he was in the same 7am step class, or that he happens to like shaking and shimmying to that song.

Reviewed: Fantastic 4

Fantastic 4 was this wonderfully choreographed blur of fast-paced action, corny one liners, and rubber suits (I know they were some unstable, self-regulating, adaptory polymer blah, but they looked so 80s).

Great for a brainless night out when all I wanted to do was sit there and have a good time. I quite happily let myself get swept up in wide-eyed 'Wah' for most of the movie, laughing on cue and everything.

Top notch stuff!!! (Fully deserving of the three exclamation marks).

P.S. Jessica Alba is so nice. Nice about everything. And so girl-next-door, no wonder she's such a hit.

And I shall not want

Dear Lord,

Thank You for blessing me with so many good things - my friends, my family, my home, and please continue to look after us and guide us in our daily lives.

I'm really so thankful for all the opportunities You've created in my life, all the doors You've opened, and I pray that You'll take my hand and lead me onwards because sometimes I get scared.

I'd also like to pray for PAS, as s/he seems lost in an evil world of hate and disrespect. Please open his/her eyes as we try to find love for and practice patience with our brothers and sisters, and fill us with understanding and goodwill.

And please keep my dad safe as he returns after two weeks of travel.

Thank You so much, God, for all of the miracles You work in my life that remind me You're always there, watching over all that You love.

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen

Beware: Woman

It's been one of those days, where I've had to resort to another combat class to work out all my frustration.

I've missed Evan's birthday year after year that it's almost tradition, and this year seems no different as we struggle to find a day when everyone'll be free or even in the country to celebrate his 20th.

Now some idiot is claiming that a four year MEng is not recognised in this country. Stupid college boy. Ask the Malaysian seniors, why don't you. Il est tres stupid. He picked the wrong day to say that.

I think I'm done ovulating, which puts me right on the edge and ready to either scream, curse expansively, or burst into tears at everything.

Malaysian drivers should learn to drive before they turn around and gimme the stinkeye. Morons.

Life or nothing like it

My grandma's back in hospital. The first time found a couple of blood clots in her leg, now it seems there's one in her arm. It coincides with a medical convention being held in Singapore, and because her condition is so rare, they want to turn it into a demonstration of sorts. God truly works in the most wonderful of ways because it means that she'll be under the best doctors and the hospital will waive her surgery fees. This is the lady who's survived a quadruple bypass - my grandma's a real fighter, so I hope everything goes well.

I went with Cass to Rumah Hope this afternoon. I'd have to say I've never met a more precocious bunch of kids, most are under the age of 12 or thereabouts but they've look like they've got their world totally under control, completely lacking any of that blurness or timidness that you often find in overprotected children. The little girl I was attached to learned how to manipulate me in the first twenty minutes, and her older sister could read me like a book! They could sense my nervousness. It was daunting but talking to these kids was a real eyeopener - I look forward to next week's visit.

I haven't eaten so much in a night since getting back. Weng and I braved the rush hour traffic on the NKVE and were rewarded with more than a couple of stinkeyes, but we finally made it to the only place I know that does Sarawak mee - the best thing that came out of Borneo next to it's beautiful caves and gorgeous people.

Then it was onwards to A&W for a double scoop of icecream on a waffle that we were supposed to share but I ended up eating three-quarters of, with Weng looking on and going "Whoa, where do you put it? Where's your second stomach?". This means at least two exercise classes tomorrow.

My sister's finally qualified to take out a ship all by herself supported by a crew that she's beaten into submission to carp, bilge, and sail for her. That's what I don't like about working under my sister. If I'm not doing my job, I don't get a sharp word in my text bar, I get an earful. Actually, I get an earful whenever Joel disconnects. Puzzlepirates owns every minute of her spare time.

I'm still aching from yesterday's Bodycombat, but mg is that an awesome class or what. Punching and kicking is like...so cool.

That free newspaper, The Sun, probably has a whole staff of monkeys that churn out their corny headlines.

I had to be sure

According to the Sex I.D. test on BBC, I am extremely female and in the wrong course.

It's all in the voice

I had a wonderfully enlightening conversation today with a counsellor (I shan't say whom) at a fitness club (I won't say where). It goes to show how persuasive my mum can be. She can twist anyone's arm from anywhere on the phone, except maybe my brother who seems strangely immune.

C: So Miss Ashley, I understand you and your sister are interested in signing up?
A: Yes, but we were sorting out a deal that involves suspending the payments or termination for the months I'm away.
C: Um, I'm afraid we don't do that miss.
A: Really? But we were told that something along those lines could be done.
C: Sorry miss, but we cannot suspend or terminate memberships.
A: Hold on, let me call my mum.

So the phone got passed over

C: Oh, like that. Okay Miss Nancy. Right, it seems we can work something out. Here's my offer, you sign on at the reduced rate, and while you're away you can let your father use your membership - just give me a call when you're about to leave so I can inform the front desk okay?
A: Oh okay.
C: Right, so you'll have to sign on for two years, you and your sister.
A: But my sister will also be leaving for uni next year, we can't sign on two years.
C: But if you want the reduced rate, you must sign for two years.
A: Wait, let me call my mum.

So the phone got passed over again.

C: Um, okay, look, since your case is special, I'll give you one year okay?
A: And for my sister too?
C: Yes, for your sister as well.
A: Okay, so we'll sign on today then.
C: Um, were you briefed on the signing on fees?
A: We were told there weren't any signing on fees.
C: Uh, no, you see, it's 90 for processing, and 90 to sign on, so that's 180 per person plus 5% tax and two months up front.
A: Hold on, I'll let my mum know.

So the phone got passed over for one last time.

C: Uh, okay, since both of you guys are all signing up under your mum I'll waive the signing on fee, but you still need to pay the processing fee.
A: Okay.

Then there were several contractual-looking documents that involved a suspicious amount of signing, and finally a blank list was produced.
C: Okay, to qualify for the reduced rate, you need to give us 15 of your friends' names.
A: Oh.

On the first try, I scraped up eight.
C: No, I'm sorry, you need fifteen to qualify.

After running through my phone book twice, I only came up with thirteen K.L numbers and that was seriously stretching it.
C: Oh, look, nevermind, those will do. Thank you.

So I'm sorry if you get a random phone call. Clearly my mother is much better at this than I am.

You're cordially invited

I say let them haunt my tagboard, I'm still not giving in. I don't think anyone pays anymore attention to it anyway.

I always thoroughly enjoy my Sundays - God, good music, and good company - what more could you ask for? Today was no different. There was a lot of people at practice which made it sound incredible. They're all so wonderfully enthusiastic! I had fun, even if I was going to pass out on Holy is He - so many holding notes, I had nothing left to crescendo with when Pastor Moore asked for more. I really need to work on my breathing.

So here's probably one of the most useful things I've ever used my blog for:

Please come to the Choral Music Festival on the 31st July at 8.00pm. It'll be at First Baptist Church in PJ (just off the Federal Highway), and there'll be an absolutely awesome soloist from the U.S. as well as another small choral group from North Carolina, our 140ish-strong choir, and a couple of drama pieces. Just come and enjoy the music! Admission is free (that's fairly important, isn't it?).

The sisterhood of the travelling pants

The sisterhood of the travelling pants is as good a chick flick as I've seen in a long long time. It's got the perfect blend of family, friendship, and boyfriends as four girls are forced to grow up over a summer. The story's probably been done before in a whole bunch of ways with a whole bunch of characters, but these girls were so wonderfully lovable!

It just makes me want to grab my girlfriends and rush em out somewhere to have coffee and get back in touch!

How old do you feel?

I love my sister is the mantra I've been chanting as she's dragged me around malls in search of her 'hawaii stuff', getting her ready to go.

Has it been that long? Three years already? I suppose the memories aren't that clear anymore, and the photos don't invoke quite that strong an emotional wrench, but I still miss the place and the people, and I'd want to do those two and a half weeks all over again.

Talking about memories, I've passed Hsiang my most precious photo scrap book to put on file, full of poor cutouts and mutilated pictures, but mostly of happy, smiling, and above all young faces.

I was shocked to see how much we've aged in the last five years. There's a hardness in the lines of our faces that didn't show in year 9, a certain set to the mouth that testifies to the emotionally stressful time that is adolescenthood, a general weariness as if saying, what more does life want from me?

I think we've left our childhood firmly behind, and the future looks heavy.

TGIF

Some of the longest running jokes in my group revolve around my age-old dislikes for everyone. It's funny, because right now, I don't hate anyone. Sure, I'm full of opinions, I very often stick to first impressions, which is wrong, I know, but they change, just like people do; and I hate how people keep reminding me. That was all way back when.

Like Tish said, 'It's kinda obvious when you don't like someone, but when it gets better I guess they don't notice.'

It seems like I've been doing a whole bunch of apologising over the past few weeks. This should be the last one.

To clear up a couple of things:

1) My uni dance partner and I don't hate each other, it was the college one, and the hate was more an intense dislike because we were on the committee together, and he did some bitchin'.

2) I'm sorry I called Deena and Keas cheerleaders.

Chickens plan for the future

Yet another day has dawned, dipped in a grey suspension of dust, humidity, and every pollutant known to man. Everything has a fuzzy edge to it, like a watercolour on soggy paper.

Tonight promises to be fun, even if there was a bit of a headache figuring out who to call seeing as Tishen's contacts spread far and wide. Bless 'im for being so sociable. Nat's birthday feels so long ago, even if it was only last week - it feels like I haven't seen everyone in ages.

And the curtains have finally been hung.

P.S. Commencing Operation Chicken Rice!

Frustration sets in

I was looking through next year's options. There's only one course I want to try, the rest come under 'I'd rather not'. They aren't really options either because they're just more detailed versions of what they've been stuffing down our throats the past couple of years, only that programming can be omitted. I think it's time to graduate.

It's back to driving everyone everywhere. I'm so bored. I think I need a new pair of shoes or something - a quick fix until I find something more to do with my life. I would go out a lot, but I'm a driver on call or so it seems.

Bored senseless

I was helping my mum put up the curtains after the landlord insisted on laundering them but no matter how we tried to match them, nothing seemed to go. There weren't enough of the different types of hooks, and none of the tie-backs matched the downstairs living room curtains. Was it really like this before? I really didn't notice, but now that I know, it's the very first thing that draws my eye when I walk into the living area. +shudder+ I need them to match.

I miss Weng so much, although we're barely five minutes apart for most of the day, it feels like we're in different countries. Damn office life. +sigh+

I've been pirating on puzzle pirates all day. Yarr! I r Pookey (what a dumb pirate name - no one takes me seriously)

Better than yesterday

I rushed in and out of the florist and all the way to PBD to present Weng with my sorry rose before the end of his lunch break, but he was too shy to take it back to the office with him and promised to stop by and pick it up later. I guess it would've given the rest of his accountant friends too much of a shock. Hee hee. It is his destiny.

My mum saw me carry it in and as usual all the questions started flowing. You should've seen the gossipy gleam in her eye when she heard that I had bought it for him because we had fought yesterday. I would've laughed aloud if my sister hadn't decided to embarrass me by filling in all the details.

The rose is now sitting in my fridge to protect it from the ravages of our unforgiving climate.

As You Like It is such an incredible florist.

Bless the broken road::Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rollin' home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

I shouldn't be allowed time to think

Is it really only Tuesday? It feels like it's been so much longer.

I've been to two exercise classes already and done so many sit ups, I lost count. Mostly because when you're struggling to survive the class, there isn't any extra energy to count. True Fitness looks like a spaceship.

Weng started work yesterday, and I know for sure that I don't have the disposition to sit at home and wait demurely for him. Demure. Haha. Right. By about 2pm yesterday afternoon I was starting to flip out over the (only) 15 second conversation I had with him that went along the lines of hi, there's this girl, and bye. So last night wasn't particularly pleasant.

And it was our 22nd month together, which made us feel a whole lot worse. We're rarely ever together to celebrate the 11th's of every month, or we forget about them entirely, or we fight on that day, and he was going to come over with flowers! Until I told him I didn't want to talk to him.

And I'd have to admit, even if it goes against my feminist streak (I don't really have any independence because Weng took that away a long time ago), that he has complete power over me and I'd jump through hoops if he made me feel badly enough about it. That's love and I'm a wuss.

Time to shine!

Today was our first salsa class. The average age of the salsa class is touching forty, but they seem a fun bunch. As usual you have the ones who move too much, the ones who know too much, and the ones who concentrate too hard. Surprisingly there weren't that many who were dancing to their own time which is often the case in beginner's classes.

My sister came on the pretense of talking to the instructor about absences, but really I think she went to watch Terence and I mess up. I don't think we did too badly, even if Terence did get trodden on quite a bit. Next week should be great fun.

Reconnecting

Sometimes I think this blog brings out the worst in me. I talk too much anyway so maybe it wasn't such a good idea starting this. Not good for the heart, not good for the ego. Then again, it seems to bring out the worst in a lot of other people too.

I wonder if I do sound arrogant. Maybe those who know me better read it as sarcasm or just don't tell me I sound up myself. Friends are nice like that, no? Or maybe that's why a lot of people no longer have tag-boards or were smart enough not to put one up in the first place.

No matter, this page is such a huge part of me now. Just take it as it is.

As for Nat's party last night. There's never 'nothing to do' at Nat's, if nothing to do means that there isn't any PS2 to play your brains out on, because I've never had a better time talking. That's what I needed to really kickstart my holiday, a big gathering. It was three hours of "Do you remember the time when..." followed by hysterical laughter and a few mortified faces as the best and worst bits of growing up together came back to us. It was almost like we were back at the old music room.

I didn't say bye to Rach, so here's wishing you the best of luck in Beijing, I hope you have an awesome time, and stay safe.

Profoundly sorry

Dear Amanda,

Seeing as you took so much time to clear everything up, I thought I should bear you the same regard.

Now that you mention it, I actually do remember bitching about you in HELP and I'd like to apologise for that, but please understand that Ming was my first love and will forever be my first love (although that chapter is very much closed) and I had also waited so long for us to be together that to find out that I'd been unceremoniously dumped a few months from being able to join him in Melbourne, it hurt. I don't know if you've ever had your heart carved out and stomped all over but I was a mess, and to hear your name linked to his so soon after our break up naturally let me to the conclusion that you stole him.

It didn't help that most of the way through our relationship, your name kept on popping up at the most inopportune times and as females go, you were a direct threat. Besides, I had no idea that Lilea was one of your dearest friends - then again I suppose every other person is being the darling that you are - and I just sought out someone to rant with because at the same time she was getting over Xin.

It's funny how now I cannot thank you enough because clearly you guys are meant to be together, and I'd like to say that I am sincerely happy for you, and I hope things keep on running smoothly.

I'd also like to thank you for being the bigger person and bringing an end to what seems to be a huge misunderstanding.

I don't hate you at all. In fact I think you're rather sweet. The recent exchange of posts started when I ran into Leonie and she didn't give me the warmest of looks, and what with you guys being sisters and all that, I assumed (wrongly it would seem) that the two of you had it in for me. In addition to that, every time I wrote about my tongue-in-cheek reluctance to see old friends, you gushed on and on about how good it was to see everybody and how much you love everyone and everyone loves you. Can you tell me honestly that it wasn't in the slightest way spurred by that - it was slightly overboard.

But since I'm so clearly wrong, I apologise, again, for my presumptiousness.

As for your inability to grasp sports and pouring jelly down the drain, that's okay. I'd've poured it down the drain too.

Love Ash

Nutters

I wonder what goes on in their tiny-weeny brains that makes them sit up one day and go, "I know, I'll blow up London" and then proceed to put so much time and effort into it. Well I suppose the London Underground isn't the most difficult place to bomb, especially in rush hour. But I'd have to give credit to the calmness of the Londoners - absolutely no panic. Incredible.

Good thing it wasn't during term time, could you imagine the number of students that would've been on those lines?

Humans shouldn't've been given brains or opposable thumbs.

Too close to home

London's been hit by explosions. Who'd've thought.

This is where it picks up

My muscles hurt. All the ones that I thought were pretty okay, and about 34 more that I haven't worked in six years - they have come back to fully remind me of their neglect.

My sister's getting already for prom tonight. We're going last minute shopping later. There are other things I have to shop last minute for - like Nat's present. Although I'm looking so forward to her party - it's like our annual get together, I always always hate the part where I have to come up with a gift for the girl who has everything except pierced ears. +lol+

I can't wait for salsa to start tomorrow. It's been a good year since I touched a dance routine in heels, it should be awesome.

Breaking news

So after a good nine months, my mum finally discovered I had a cartilage piercing. Surprisingly she didn't scream at me about getting another hole but chose to rant about the cost of getting the piercing after she found out I got it done in England - in pounds.

My sister's a tougher tuition teacher than any I've ever had. She's constantly on my back about a French letter I'm supposed to write to my imaginary penpal giving my age, birthday, favorite subjects, and what I have in my bag. Those kind of details could put you at risk of identity theft. Throw in a spot of Seet family temper and my awful procrastinating and I think she'll be ready to quit in a couple of days. Then again, she knows where I live.

I sobbed through dinner which was English mustard and a side of hotdog. I went a little overboard with the mustard because it tasted really good at Tishen's house a month ago at about midnight, and through my tears, I could just about make out the celebrations beginning at Trafalgar Square after London won the 2012 bid.

Taking sides

Whoever said loyalty was dead? I don't think we're a bunch of back stabbing hypocrites, I think we just prefer to take sides. I completely understand, but then I'd have to ask, what did I ever do to you?

I don't understand some of the really nasty vibes that've been coming my way and I really would appreciate it if you could explain it to me. Was it that Melbourne discussion when I was teasing about the lifestyle? Or was it the art major jokes my sister tagged?

So many people tell me I shouldn't care, that if they want to be such shallow, childish people then let them. But honestly, if you knew someone out there really didn't like you for reasons that completely escape you, would you sit there and take it? I'd at least want to know why someone didn't like me and if I couldn't fix it, then at least I'd have the chance to revel in it. Haha. No, only kidding.

In a way, it's good, because at least now I know who the backstabbers are. Mega-bitch indeed.

+phew+

I thought I was making things up again, reading too much between the lines, but I'm not. Although now that my sanity's been verified, I can't really see how there was all that much between the lines in the first place - it was pretty straight forward.

But after four pep talks, I feel a lot better. Thanks Nat, Rudy, Branden, and Cheryl.

Pleasantries

I've just come across one of the most all-encompassing statements ever - "Once a bitch, always a bitch". How interesting.

I think it's quite easy to let go of bitchhood. People you once thought were bitches in highschool have come to grips with their insecurities or found an inner peace that has totally changed them. On the flipside, it's very easy to become a bitch, when you suddenly find yourself well short of the goals you set and everyone else seems to be cruising quite happily in their lives.

What eats away at you? Are you happy with where you are? With the people in your life? Does writing about friendships truly celebrate them or do you write to convince everyone but most especially yourself that everything's peachy? How about sitting there quietly and soaking in all the wonderful companionship that's lasted the test of time?

How do you know what the unfortunates that you've carefully labelled 'bitch' are thinking? Do you think everyone's still so wrapped up in the era that was highschool? Don't you think that you yourself are a bitch because you sit there and judge?

Maybe we are wrapped up in highschool only because the circle of friends hasn't changed. After all, we form our strongest bonds in those precious secondary years, so it's quite natural we keep running into the same people over and over again. So maybe it's okay to stay wrapped up in certain parts of highschool, but not so okay to cling to that childishness that triggers the many bouts of being the insufferable know-it-all. And mega-bitch.

Starved

No tennis, no football, and no F1 has resigned me to watching old replays of Winter X or the Lumberjack olympics.

I'm waiting for my sister to wake up so I can bug her. Hell, I think I'll go bug her anyway.

Betrayed

The mind is a tricky thing. Sometimes you're so sure that you're in control of yourself, of your situation, and of your emotions, but really you're not, and the slightest thing trips you into a downward spiral.

I have never felt so upset at nothing, or what seems like nothing because I can't put a firm finger on it or analyse it to pieces.

I thought I'd got it out of my system, it's been too long, but then again maybe all that's happened has just kept the wound open - turned it into something else that slowly eats away at you without you realising it.

I think I'm more sad that I thought I had beaten the demons of that one long-ago relationship and all the ties that seem to make us cross paths - the people and the places, but I haven't. Everyone seems to know everyone else in this town. It still bugs me no matter how hard I've tried to let go of everything little thing that's even remotely associated. I don't hold a candle, I hold a dead rose.

It's been a while since I've felt so low, I just want to curl up and die, and there's nothing my angel can do to fix it.

On a roll

Practice today was so much fun! Even if I was largely winging it, I'm fairly confident it'll come together wonderfully - the other alto ladies are so damn geng. They could probably sing it backwards and still be on key.

The tenors are another story though. They start out in key but the second one screws up, that bad note quickly works it way down the line and soon everyone's singing to their own improvisation.

It's cute though, and like Joel said, they're going to be able to point out exactly which church messes up the song because the majority of tenors are from CBC. I'm sure they'll pull it off - with Weng nursing a sprained wrist, he has nothing else to do but work on his part for the next week, so no excuses there.

It's been such an awesome day! Tomorrow I'm playing driver to Cinderella and the crippled monkey.

To the one who always makes me laugh

We've been totally wrapped up in family life lately, much like the rest of our friends, playing the part of driver and older sibling, which left little time and energy for each other. So after the last few nights of listless conversation and not much time together, I just wanted to say I love you, darling, you make every moment.

Oh, and I have most definitely planned the next five years of your life. I'll send you the outline shortly. Hehe. +Mxx+

A miracle in plastic

Finally, a product that actually does what it claims.

Time well spent

My mother pulled a quick one on us, and Cheryl and I were left to attend Bodyjam by ourselves. I should've listened to my misgivings when I read the name of the class, but Mum insisted it was fun, so she set us up and made us go, like lambs to slaughter.

It was hilarious. The instructor was everything and more - everything you need for a completely embarrassing workout. So there we were, in that fishtank of a studio while the guy bounced around on stage, shrieking encouragingly at the three poor souls that had bravely turned up.

He moved well, we didn't.
He had more energy than the three of us put together, and we struggled.
He laid bare my complete and utter malcoordination - feet go this way and hands do what? huh?

"Mooove it laydeez! Ooooe-et-ooo-et!" is the memory of my Saturday morning, and my aching legs are my testimony.

I think I'm going to try something much slower, like yoga or bodybalance next time.

Like a deer in headlights

Summer in K.L. makes you realise what a small town it is. Summer in K.L. always sees you running into old friends, old acquaintances, and people you'd've rather forgot.

Three more months of being on guard when I go out in public. No wonder people dread highschool reunions; running into old school mates is like putting yourself up to being judged - Oh, she's put on weight, mmhmm, getting a little pudgy aren't we; Oooh, look at her hair! Who died? - You can feel those comments running through their minds behind their quickly plastered-on smiles.

So I like staying home, or hiding out at Tishen's where the only thing that throws me off guard are flukey pool shots and tons of laughter.