Monday, July 04, 2005

Betrayed

The mind is a tricky thing. Sometimes you're so sure that you're in control of yourself, of your situation, and of your emotions, but really you're not, and the slightest thing trips you into a downward spiral.

I have never felt so upset at nothing, or what seems like nothing because I can't put a firm finger on it or analyse it to pieces.

I thought I'd got it out of my system, it's been too long, but then again maybe all that's happened has just kept the wound open - turned it into something else that slowly eats away at you without you realising it.

I think I'm more sad that I thought I had beaten the demons of that one long-ago relationship and all the ties that seem to make us cross paths - the people and the places, but I haven't. Everyone seems to know everyone else in this town. It still bugs me no matter how hard I've tried to let go of everything little thing that's even remotely associated. I don't hold a candle, I hold a dead rose.

It's been a while since I've felt so low, I just want to curl up and die, and there's nothing my angel can do to fix it.

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