Urban development

As the new milleniumium moves through its fourth year, gender roles continue to change, and with that, we celebrate the arrival of the metromale. They go for facials, spend hundreds of dollars on grooming products, and have clothes bills that rival their girlfriends’ and mothers’.

They’ll quite happily sit down and talk about the latest movies, hair colours, fashion trends, and skin treatments. There are even times where my girlfriends and I are completely swamped by the amount of stuff they know about this season’s colours and brands. Other times, they’re reluctant to let us near their perfectly shaped coifs even though they’re badly in need of a haircut.

These guys love shopping with their mums or are quite happy to burn out their credit cards with massive buys. I know several who can easily rate their wardrobe at six or seven times the value of mine. They have a different jacket for everyday, a pair of shoes for every colour combo and sport, and spend twice as long in the bathroom.

Name: Metromale (Urbanus hominis)
Primary classification: Homosapiens
Habitat: Large urban areas with high concentration of branded clothes stores
Diet: Omnivorous
Description: Of the male persuasion, well groomed, and dressed in the latest trends
Conservation status: Common
Major threats: Irate girlfriends and credit-card bills