It seems that the Taiwanese offering of performing artists have something good going on, so good in fact that many of Hollywood's leading ladies are seeking to emulate their Eastern counterparts.
Crossovers are rife in this day and age and it seems that actresses find the lure of a record label and screaming crowds attractive enough to leave their millions-a-role job behind, while singers want to be just as multi-talented and yearn to be regarded as serious actresses. Either way their egos and bank accounts grow, inversely however to their general stupidity rating.
Shall we examine them.
Jennifer Lopez
Music: Plenty of whiny tracks, some in Spanish too.
Acting: Many romantic comedies, but I wouldn't call them achievements.
The movie-going audience's welcome was lukewarm bordering on tepid, just like the roles she chose and her acting talent. Her brief bouts of stardom are only matched by her even briefer marriages.
They must've struggled to get her butt to fit on the screen, so they didn't but they could've taken tips from her MTV producers and used a third angle in reverse.
Mariah Carey
Music: It's Mariah.
Acting: Awful.
She must've started the whole 'if I can sing, I can definitely act' farce. I blame her. I think her movie was a last ditch effort to save her flagging career and uninteresting life, sadly she's failed to reinvent herself convincingly, but she's trying, with the release of Emancipation of Mimi - catchy title.
Britney Spears
Music: Many records sold at bubble gum level. Now trying to sell even more records by gyrating various body parts and heavy breathing.
Acting: What was that movie called? Road trip? No wait, crossroads. That's right. So no, she gets a zero.
Apparently the screaming crowds of prepubescent teenyboppers wasn't enough for her and she sought fame on the red carpet with the hope of an Oscars on the horizon. She shouldn't ever be allowed near a camera ever again - she might accidentally get in front of it. Thank God someone married her.
Mandy Moore
Music: Not worth mentioning
Acting: A Walk to Remember (at least I recalled the movie title this time)
Her entire career's been sad version of 'almost like Britney', so she also tried a move into the movie industry. So far, no one's married her.
Kylie Minogue
Acting: Neighbours, although you wouldn't know it because she looked so different back then
Music: Every other guy in England adores her, on mute or not.
She's reinvented herself to keep up, kudos for hitting the right notes with each costume change, but she's starting to get old, reminds me of one of those plasticky women who're going on 50 and still insist that they can wear fishnet stockings.
Natalie Imbruglia
Just like Kylie, minus the hits. There was only one absolutely ages ago and since then she's struggled to get back on form with her big eyes and edgy, tortured expression.
Look out for:
Lindsay Lohan who's lost a lot of weight and her boobs, and gone blonde in hopes of drawing thousands of horny boys, fixing a record deal, and signing on a voice-over artist.
Hillary Duff, who's already forced out an album, and even did a song with her sister. Can't sing, can't dance, can't act, should've stuck to grade school plays.
Kate Moss, who's dating that singer Pete something. She claims that they're in love, but I think she just wants the record deal. Can you imagine, her (soon to be former) career involved her being paid to stand still, quietly I expect, so now she's going to rock the stage?
No comments:
Post a Comment