Calculated relationships

What does friendship count for in this day and age? To let someone use you because you know they'll give you something back in return? An eye for an eye and all's fair.

Whatever happened to the days when you used to do something for a friend because you wanted to, because they're your friend and you would do almost anything for them and not expect something in return, knowing that if they did give you something, that the thought behind it was "I knew I could help you" or "I thought it would make you happy".

Is that overly idealistic, to be able to relate to someone else like that other than the one closest to your heart? I think friendship's like that. You go out of your way to do things because you know it'd make them happy, not because you know that once you do this, you've got one up on them, they owe you.

I think the biggest test of friendship is being able to go back to people you haven't talked to in ages, to still be able to share with them your latest joys or sad bits, or a problem, or just to have someone to listen, and have them know that if they ever needed you, all they'd have to do it ask.

Or maybe that's just a sad excuse on my part to make up for my terribly inconsistent emailing/calling/messaging, that I have very little to say on the grounds of small talk, and that I think real friends should understand that. I guess I value the one or two long conversations over the space of a month than twenty minutes of "Hi, how're you? Bye, gotta run" every day.

I don't know. But in the time I took to write this, I thought about the people I know, and I could count my nearest and dearest on one hand. I don't know whether to be relieved or saddened.