Sunday, March 06, 2005

Big city loneliness

I couldn't wait for it. I had to go to the F1 site to find out who won the first GP of the year before watching the replay this afternoon. Oh, I'm so weak, but that's okay, because there's only ONE ferrari in the top 8 baby, and it ain't Michael's. Hurrah! So I'm going to watch the replay anyway, just to find out what happened.

Reading other people's blogs makes me wish I had a bigger circle of friends here at IC, like friends I actually hang out with, not the hi-bye kind. There's nothing wrong with the hi-bye kind, but with the recent demise of 24hr internet, gosh, I suddenly feel so lonely. I probably have many more close friends scattered across the world than I do in South Kensington.

I suppose I only have myself to blame, not even finding enough time for the bunch of core people that define my life, how on earth could I ever hope of enmeshing myself in a new group of faces. Maybe I'll always feel like an outsider because I'm just too concious of how people judge to put myself out there and open up to that judging - maybe I'm scared of failing that test so I never take that step. How strange that I would still be like that although I think that the SingSoc members at IC are among some of the most genuine and wonderful people I know.

I'm really not totally friendless, or so I'd like to think, but while I have so many acquaintances, I really miss the closer relationships, the heart-to-heart talks and all that with someone who doesn't know how much space I take up at night. Cheesy, I know, but will someone please be my friend?

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