Being Malaysian

1. Your father, uncle, brother, nephew, or cousin is a Datuk, civil servant, parliamentary minister, or all of the above.
2. Milo is a drink, desert, and food group all by itself.
3. Road signs and painted lines are merely suggestions, not directions.
4. The answer to every traffic jam is to build more roads.
5. The highways are never quite bright enough.
6. You’ll get change back from bribing your way out of a speeding ticket.
7. You are so multicultural that you can speak Malay, Chinese, and English, and swear in 46 different dialects.
8. You are perpetually on a tea break.
9. If you don't own a motorcycle, you've almost run one over.
10. You can’t move any faster than a stroll.
11. You can text while you’re driving, with your eyes closed, upside down, and hanging by your fingertips.
12. Boss, satu teh tarik, dua roti bom.