Cosmo crap

I recently picked up a Cosmopolitan for want of better things to read and was reminded of the psychological risk you're at everytime you open up one of these things.

I'm fairly low-maintenance. I don't have a make up kit with 36 brushes, hell, I don't have much of a make up kit. I've been trying to expand my wardrobe, but it seems like I'm stuck wearing the same thing every day. I don't even have a proper hair brush, just some tiny kiddy thing I picked up 3 years ago at a supermarket in Hawaii. Therefore, according to Cosmo, I'm probably barely female.

Cosmo tells girls, 'We're confident, sassy, career orientated, emotionally empowered, beautiful, successful women.' Wonderful, don't we just want to be them? Cosmo women can juggle a high-flying career, spend hours and most of their disposable income on making themselves look more beautiful, and handle men. The very men who come across as always making mistakes, never calling back, in fear of commitment, and selfish in bed, so why do we even need them?

I think it's terrible. Boyfriends don't always do such a bad job. The ones that are immature and abusive are obviously single for those very reasons, or they don't call back all those single women because those women are also obviously single for probably similar reasons.

There are also about five different types of agony aunts: psychologist, health expert, sex expert, fashion guru, and psychiatrist. They tell you what to wear, what to think, how to act, and that's it okay if you can't orgasm. Trends aren't created on the catwalk, trends fly out of these glossy, 130-odd pages of advertising.

What I think is also quite insulting is the way everything is numbered. Almost all the articles are split into 'easy to handle' passages headed with things like 'uninvited guest #1', 'No. 3, He's an emotional drain', or 'mind-mapper #1'. We can't seem to handle anything past 10.

They make everything seem so easy: 'Last minute party outfits', 'Jeans to flatter every body', 'Get happy', 'Love your job', '5 minute celebrity fixes', and it's '4 Steps to fantastic skin'. Oh, and in case you were wondering how to run your year, there's 'Lifestrology 2005 - what's in store for you (and him)'.

If only it were really like that, I'd be happy with a working 5 step plan to my first million or something (think practical).